Saturday, April 15, 2017

A death in the family

Papa's favorite spot in front of his entertainment system.

My dad passed away last year. While it took us by surprise, there were a few signs here and there, so I don't know if he kind of saw it coming. He invited us over for family lunches and dinner much more often than the usual in the days leading to his passing.

A week before it happened, he asked me for a favor. My dad was never affectionate -- I don't recall ever hearing him say "I love you." Blame it on his air force background, perhaps? Point is, when he asked for a favor, it was usually his way of getting me to come over and visit him. And I'm glad I did because at least I saw him a week before it all happened.

Red flags came up when he suddenly was not able to join us for a family dinner - he hardly ever missed those. Anyway, will not dwell on the details, but his kidneys gave up on him and he decided not to let us all watch him suffer in the ICU. He left us with as little drama as possible, so very him.

Note to self: I don't want to ever watch anyone being intubated again. Ever. For the life of me i cannot understand why modern medicine devised a less barbaric/painless method by now. It was sad that he wanted to say something, but couldn't.

My mom was hit the hardest. They just celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary a few years back and my dad also just celebrated his 80th birthday about 2 months prior. Everything​ seemed okay and she was even more sickly than he was before all this.

We thought we would lose her too, because she also stopped eating at some point due to severe depression. Gladly, she seems to have come to terms with Papa's death and her appetite is back to normal.

Cannot imagine the pain of losing your everyday witness and having to let go after 50 years. It's hard enough to find that life partner who's willing to work as hard as you are on a relationship, and so I'm sure letting go of that person is not something anyone will ever really be ready for.

I haven't posted anything in ages - and this long break has made me realize how much I've missed reading and writing about non work-related topics. Time slows down. You think about things important to you, not just what you need to accomplish for the day.

I think it's time to hug my husband now.

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